Willa Cather, Teenagers, and Jungle Juice

Writer Willa Cather is quoted as once saying, "You know everything that you need to write a book when you are fifteen-years-old."

To which, I respond so eloquently, "Bullshit and Shenanigans!!" One thing about fifteen-year-old's, including the smart ones, is that they all have a SHIT LOAD to learn about life... especially their own. They have no introspection, and rightfully so. Early adolescence shouldn't be complicated enough to warrant introspection. Of course, Willa Cather wrote about blue-eyed stoics carving-out lives on the wide-open prairie. She left the ugly, interesting stuff to cynics and misanthropes like yours truly.

The teenagers today freak me-out. Perhaps because I'm of that age now when you begin to see distance between now and then. I was never a normal teenager, and in fact, I've really never felt comfortable around teenagers, even when I was one. Probably because I was one of those unfortunate teenager's cursed with introspection. Have you met a teenager who wants to buy a Town Car and retire? All those care-free, blissfully ignorant teenagers got to enjoy an adolescence of dances and parties, dates and awkward crushes, Jagermeister and silly clothes. As for moi, it was a beige suit, Merlot, and a whole lot of contemplation. Some of us try to be something that we just aren't, to fill a role, to become something, to wear a pair of someone else's shoes.

It really wasn't until my junior year of high school that I started being honest with myself. Of course, it was no easy task. Let me just gives kudos to the movies and a lot of rock'n'roll. And honestly, I know a lot of people twice my age who have never had a moment of introspection whatsoever.

I once took an opportunity to try "Jungle Juice", a cocktail of Cool Aid and a nearly lethal libation called "Everclear". I was surprised by its tolerable taste, especially when considering that Everclear is 190-proof. However, I was not surprised enough to explicitly offer Tom G's seal of approval. I'll stick to my Porters and Ales, thank you. Despite Jungle Juice's failure to wow me, I suppose its a quick and easy way to get banged-up if you're a teenager burnt-out by introspection, Willa Cather, and life in your sleazy little town.

Now, if you'll excuse me, the hits of 80's await me.